Guide to Becoming a Video Game Protagonist (For Men)

At some point, we’ve all wanted to be that badass character in a video game. After all, who wouldn’t want to perform death-defying stunts, kill people in exotic locations, and get the love interest at the end of it all? If you wanna start, here’s what you need.

1. A checkered or tragic past. The best video game protagonists are usually men who are running away from something or have a tragic event looming over their heads that they refuse to let go of. Critics and gamers love characters like John Marston, Sam Fisher, and Kratos not just because of what they do, but also the defining moments that solidify them as characters. For you newcomers, it’s recommended that something like being betrayed by someone you called your friend or leaving a person to die are your best bets at the moment.

2. Be a decent to attractive-looking white male. Take a look at most of the video game characters from the past ten years. Never mind those forgettable races, like blacks or asians. Women? Pfffft, their only job is to start out hostile and then to gradually fall in love with you, man! It also helps if you have some sort of visible scar somewhere on your face or arms or you just stumble onto events, yet still know how to go into battle like an armored tank. Hair and clothing are optional. Age isn’t that big a deal, but early 20s to mid 30s will make it more likely for you to get picked up.

3. Take more bullets to the body than legally needed and still survive. What are these round, silvery things that attempt to penetrate your rock hard abs? Haha, foolish mortals! All you have to do is stand behind something for a few seconds and you’ll be good as new! Whereas most normal people would go to a hospital and get the wounds stitched up, you just concetrate and the wounds will vanish all on their own!

4. Be voiced by Nolan North. Who voices Nathan Drake? Nolan North. Desmond Miles? Nolan North. The Prince of Persia? Nolan North. The examples are endless, and you can have the pleasure of owning his voice as well in your upcoming epic saga. His voice can go from cocky to melodious to raspy in the blink of an eye, and it’s perfect for whatever type of character you want to end up as.

5. Near the end, hint towards a sequel. Doesn’t matter whether or not you get it, just do it. Either have the bad guy come back to life, a plot-related device go missing, something; as long as you hint toward further adventures, you’re sure to get it in the near future. Look at games look Psychonauts and Brutal Legend, they’re getting sequels in a few years!

6. Get betrayed by someone at some point in the game. Best friend, female accomplice, that guy who talks to you about the weather, just bet your healing powers that you’ll end up with some trust issues by the time everything’s said and done. Be sure to try and turn them back to your side so they don’t die; on the off chance that does work, be sure to bring up their betrayal constantly, because they’ll just love that.

7. Wear some sort of headgear. It’ll make you look rough and seem like you’ve been on the dark side of the streets at some point. Whether it’s goggles, a cowboy hat, a bandana, or even a helmet, just find something that you can wear on your head frequently. And under any circumstances, never, if at all, take it off. If you do, they won’t show your face until you put it back on.


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Author: Justin Carter View all posts by