Chris’s Chronicles is an ongoing set of game logs by our Reviews Editor, Chris Scott as he plows through a game from yesteryear that has been sitting on his shelf gathering dust. His first batch of chronicles is with Level 5′s role-playing game Rogue Galaxy on the Playstation 2.
My name is Rogue. Jaster Rogue. I’ll take a vodka and cranberry please. Shaken. Not stirred.
I am an interstellar spy and one hell of a bad ass. I also have a feeling I am in the wrong game because I look like a 12 year old and I’m riding a space camel wearing armor. This is Rogue Galaxy and these are my tales.
As I said, I am Jaster Rogue. I am not sure what that means or what my motivations are outside of the fact that I am literally a space camel jockey. I just caught two giant turkey things and I’m trading them to the guards for food. Why would I do that? If I am hungry why wouldn’t I just eat the turkey things instead? Also, I’m a slave? WTF kind of messed up place is this planet Rosa? And who allows their slaves to have weaponry? These guards are stupid. I think I can take them. Instead of bashing their snotty heads in though I go to meet Raul, the minister of a church and my foster father. Subtle much?
During my father-son conversation with Raul the town gets attacked by beasts. I decide to take care of it, you know because I am a slave and that is what slaves d, although in the back of my head I feel that the Longardian militia should do this kind of thing. Still, I guess it is better than hanging around in a church. Outside, a bunch of skeleton type things attack me. Being Jaster Rouge I should probably know their names but I don’t much care to learn them. I can already see it, my Jaster Rogue is a blithering idiot that can hardly read his own name but enjoys a fine beverage all the same. I am instantly joined by a hobo with a kick ass sword and we make our way through the town to where the big, bad beast is hanging out but right before we get there Captain Hobo takes off leaving me his bangin’ sword. I’m all sorts of awesome now.
And then I am confused again because now I am Jaster Rogue, aka Luke Skywalker, and C-3PO and R2-D2 join me, although they have taken to calling me Mr. Claw. I’m a little freaked out that they know my secret identity as Inspector Gadget’s nemesis but they think I’m cool so I guess it is OK. R2 has gotten a vocalizer enhancement and now sounds like Billy Connolly, I’m OK with this development as well. These two help me take on the big, bad beast and then invite me to join their band of merry men, the Space Pirates led by Super Scary Space Pirate Dude.
I may just do it.
Hour One Redux
The recorder did not work the first time around, so It is like déjà vu or something. All of the above still happened but this time I die, making me look like I suck at games.