While everyone is celebrating the best games of the year, I take some time to put on my grouch hat and remind everyone that not everything was roses and champagne in 2012.
5. Of Orcs and Men
Before release every game is like an uncooked meal. The different aspects of a game are like ingredients spread out across the table waiting to be blended masterfully into a scrumptious meal. However, unless one knows how to blend those ingredients together and cook them appropriately then the meal never comes together as something satisfying. Of Orcs and Men is much like this.
The game has the right parts to make a thoroughly entertaining and engaging title but squanders it by overcooking certain aspects, adding too much of other aspects and forgetting the most base ingredient for any game. The tactical combat is interesting but presented on the plate of a standard action title making it frustrating. The story is well thought out and intriguing but plagued by mediocre voice acting and an egregious abuse of profanity. But where the game falters the most is that it is just not any fun to play.
4. The Expendables 2 Videogame
At the end of every year we sit down and discuss games that we expected to be good that disappointed us and games that we expected to be bad that surprised us. It is simply the way of the videogame world. Rarely though do we get an opportunity to discuss games we expected to be bad but somehow still failed to meet our expectations. These titles are special and The Expendables 2 Videogame is one of them.
Taking place before the film, The Expendables 2 Videogame sees Sylvester Stallone and his band of mercenaries shooting everything in sight, while getting shot from things not in sight as well. It is frustratingly designed, graphically muddy and filled with atrocious voice over by a Sylvester Stallone impersonator. I can only fathom that Jason Statham saw the concept for the game and decided he was best kept out of this adventure. It is a barrel of fun that explodes on you and then burns off all your skin while laughing at you for having wasted $15 USD.
3. Resident Evil 6
My Dearest Resident Evil,
There was a time when we were like bread and butter. I loved you and you loved me. But things have changed. You’ve become fat and bloated, sitting around all day pretending to be something you aren’t. But that isn’t really the problem. No, the problem is that you consistently lie to me. You tell me you know the problem and want to fix it. You show me glimmers of your former brilliance and make me believe once more that you are the series I fell in love with so long ago. But you aren’t and it is all a lie.
The sad thing is, I think you believe your own lies and cannot see the forest for the trees. I’m sorry to have to tell you this way but we’re through. I no longer have to live with your lies and abuse of my love, I have options and I intend to use them.
No longer in love,
2. Call of Duty: Black Ops Declassified
It is hard to know where to start with this one because everything about it is a giant cluster-F. From the sub, two-hour campaign, the crappy frame rate, atrocious net-code and piss-poor map design, everything about Call of Duty: Black Ops Declassified stinks. What’s worse though is that everyone involved in its development knew that it was bad but they pushed it out to the public anyway.
Activision hardly even pushed the title, which was touted by Sony, a year prior, as being one of the Vita’s flagship titles. And developer Nihilistic Software had so much confidence in the title that they changed their name and business focus a month before the even game came out. No one wanted to be anywhere near this game, which begs the question of why did Activision allow this to happen. Call of Duty is without a doubt their single biggest franchise not developed by Blizzard and for them to let garbage like this taint the series either shows massive hubris or just plain stupidity. Call of Duty is not invincible and Activision needs to get on board with that fact before they kill their cash cow like they did Guitar Hero.
I love what I do here, it affords me the platform to write about a great many fantastic titles. It also allows me to have fun mocking the worst of the worst. After reviewing NeverDead in February, I said that it was a certain front runner for Worst Game of 2012 and after a year’s worth of good, bad and ugly titles, none have surpassed it.
NeverDead is insulting to its players’ intelligence, looks worse than some Playstation 2 titles, controls like crap, is a snooze fest from a design standpoint and worst of all completely squanders its selling point. For inflicting NeverDead upon the world, I feel that developer Rebellion should hand over their game making card and give it to someone with a clue because they obviously don’t have one.
What were some of the worst games you played this year?