Director Alexander Aja did the impossible with Piranha 3D. He turned a dormant horror franchise, with a supremely campy premise into a fun, retro look back at how horror films once were. And he made it a success. So of course there was going to be another Piranha film and so we have been granted Piranha 3DD.
On paper making another Piranha movie probably sounded like it would be a piece of cake. Secure some young women willing to take their clothes off on camera, develop some computer generated, prehistoric, killer fish, spray lots of fake blood all over the place and provide a couple of cameos of has been stars willing to stoop to any level. And on paper it looked like things were on the right track. In fact director John Gulager (Feast) must have thought he hit the lottery when the film procured Gary Busey and David Hasslehoff.
Sadly films are not made on paper though and Piranha 3DD is a mess of a film. Yes, it has gratuitous nudity. Yes, there is computer generated killer fish and lots and lots of fake blood. And yes, Mr. Baywatch himself, David Hasslehoff dons the lifeguard gear and mocks himself with reckless abandon. But everything else about the film is garbage.
Gulager does not have Aja’s deft touch when it comes to melding comedy and horror. He demonstrates a complete ineptness to develop any sort of tension. And he has no clue how to develop anything remotely funny. Of course not all the blame should be placed on Gulager, after all he is only filming the script that was assigned to him and the script is a travesty of epic proportions.
Piranha 3DD was written by a completely new writing team and it shows. Gone are the subtle nods to classic horror films such as Jaws, in their place are blatant nods to the likes of bad movies like Jaws 3D. In fact so many of the story beats of Piranha 3DD feel ripped directly from Jaws 3D that one wonders how they have not been sued for plagiarism.
Even with those deficiencies, if Piranha 3DD were fun, it would still be worth wasting 90 minutes on. But it is not fun and is a bore to watch making Piranha 3DD a complete waste of time. I feel bad for myself having spent time watching it, hopefully you will not make the same mistake.
1 / 5