Just In Bailey: Cleanup in Raccoon City!

(Note: I understand the concept of hardware limitations.  Try to suspend your disbelief a bit.  It’ll be funnier that way.)

It takes a team to make a video game.  You have designers, artists, coders, producers, directors, marketers, and yes, even bloggers.  The creation of a game is no easy task.  There is so much that goes into a video game and we take it all for granted.  Well, I would like to recognize one of the most prominent figures in gaming.  This figure does their job and never says a word.  They are so good at it that you don’t even know they exist.  This figure works all hours and doesn’t even complain about not getting paid overtime.  Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to recognize and say a big “Thank You” to:

The Video Game Janitor!

Have you ever left a room of decapitated zombies only to come back and find it completely empty?  That’s the Video Game Janitor hard at work.  The blood is cleaned up off the floor.  The bodies are disposed of, following proper procedure of course, and even that smell of decay is gone.  The Janitor even disposes of dogs and monsters.  Did something just crash through a window and scare the crap out of you?  No worries.  Just walk away.  It’ll get cleaned up.

 

A funny thing about the Video Game Janitor, not even time travel is an issue.  Across the ages guards are assassinated on roof tops and in alleyways.  From the Holy Land, to Italy, to Constantinople, dead bodies are left everywhere.  But, without so much as a whisper, the bodies are cleaned up off the streets by the Janitor.  The Janitor has seen war, has faced the battlefield, and has cleaned up after every round of Call of Duty.

 

Not even superheroes need to worry about clean up.  It isn’t the NYPD or the Gotham City Police removing the numerous thugs from the crime scenes.  The cops always arrive too late.  Take out Thug #1 and Thug #2 from the Gotham Museum.  Leave the room and come back.  They’re gone right?  And not a siren to be heard or a badge flashed.  The Janitor strikes again!

It would seem there are only a few places the Janitor dare not go:  the barren wastelands of Washington D.C. and New Vegas as well as the land of Tamriel.  The bodies just seem to pile up there.  Why the Janitor chooses to leave these places alone is their own business.  I say the Janitor has gone above and beyond what their original job description was.Sometimes the Video Game Janitor is so good, bodies will get removed before you even leave the room.  Occasionally, the Janitor may get carried away and try to remove a body before it is incapacitated or dead.  Can you blame them though?  It sounds like an awesome gig to me.

So, ladies and gentlemen, the next time you are traveling through Raccoon City with the members of S.T.A.R.S., or though 15th century Italy with Ezio Auditore da Firenze, take the time to admire the cleanliness of the streets, the lack of dead bodies, and the fresh lemon scent.  Don’t just thanks the makers of the games.  Thank the one who keeps things running clean and smooth.  Thank The Video Game Janitor!

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Author: Joey Alesia View all posts by
Joey's adventure into the realm of video games began at 3 when Nintendo first hit the West. He grew up a Nintendo fan and ended up branching out to Playstation when FF7 hit and XBox when Oblivion hit the 360. He's not huge on first person shooters or sports games but definitely enjoys a good RPG or survival horror game. His all-time favorite series is definitely The Legend of Zelda, followed extremely closely by Metal Gear. Joey has a firm belief that games should be treated with respect when they are made and that the classics should never be overlooked.
  • Don Parsons

    Bahahaha, very entertaining! I saw the title and it peaked my interest, but I really didn’t expect that.